Let me ask you a few questions that I want to answer honestly. Do you ever struggle with trying to do things on your own and your way? Do you try to find your worth in your identity in relationships, achievements, and appearance? Are you struggling with emotional wounds that are not healed?
For decades, I struggled with rejection, singleness, and loneliness. As you will read in my book, Sacred Love, my emotional wounding was due to real and maybe at times, perceived rejection due to my appearance. I was the “fat, ugly kid” whose mother was gorgeous and often modeled for one of the finest women’s stores in our hometown. Because I believed that I was unattractive physically and not worth loving, I sought to find my identity and worth in my achievements and intelligence. When I did not measure up in these areas either, which are detailed in the book, I became depressed and anxious. I isolated myself and built a wall of protection so high that I could not see God. At this time in my life, I did not trust Jesus to fill all the voids in my life, even though I had accepted Him at the age of nine. I had been rejected too many times and often asked Him why He had created me. I felt like I had to prove my worth to God and others, but every time I tried, there was failure. I was left unfulfilled and empty. Since I was trying to do it “my way” and not give God full control, I made mistakes out of disobedience. Finally, at my wit’s end, I surrendered my life and my rights to myself to Jesus. It had been exhausting trying to find my worth when, in truth, I had been given all my worth in Christ when I accepted Him. God’s Word is truth and Jesus loves me with an everlasting love as He does you. Our enemy, Satan, lies to us continuously and, since I had chosen to believe his lies from early childhood, I had lived out most of my life filtering my experiences through a lens of rejection.
In my book, Sacred Love, you will be my traveling companion on my journey in both happy times and crushing times as I strive to find love and acceptance, while missing the love of God. You will read about my most traumatic time when I came face to face with the ultimate crisis of belief and read how God took me from utter brokenness to triumphant victory as I chose to trust Him with the pain of my past.